Wednesday, February 14, 2007
on love.in the spirit of valentine's day, i just gotta say this.
here in america, valentine's day is really hyped up - i mean, entire new sections in supermarkets and shops sprout out like, after christmas, seriously. so yeah, me being single rolled my eyes and dismissed this whole shebang.
but then i got thinking, and i have been thinking about it for awhile. i used to be cynical and jaded about love, and i wouldn't even consider myself to be authoritative on that subject. i guess it's because finding someone whom you can be so attuned to is really difficult, i kinda gave up. you put yourself out there, only to be brushed aside and get your feelings trampled on. how many times have we done that but ended up hurt? i'd enough of that - going through the whole cycle of liking someone, not having my feelings reciprocated, having to deal with all that emotional turmoil and then getting over the guy. after awhile one can't help but be bitter about it.
to sum it up, i think alot of us are not afraid of loving someone else, but we're afraid of not being loved back.
yet now that i've gotten away from singapore and i've been doing lotsa contemplating (in coffeehouses and on bus rides no less) i realized this about myself. that, while part of me is still wary about opening up my heart too easily, for the most part, i am filled with a sense of hope.
a hope that someday i will find someone whom i can completely feel so attuned to, talk about anything and everything with, someone whom i'd mean the world to, someone who'd put up with my quirks, randomness and silliness and not get turned off, someone who makes me a better person and whom i can love unconditionally in good times and bad...
it does sound idealistic, or trite even, but i believe in it. i am not going to go out of my way to look for it, everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. funny how i knew that so many years ago but it took me so long to accept that fact (admittedly, it's a hard pill to swallow).
so yeah. i think i believe in love again, as rare as true love is, as annoying and commercialised valentine's day is. this is a hard entry to write without getting teary eyed and emotional, but for cathartic purposes i had to, and i'm glad i did.
rachel at 4:10 PM