Friday, November 17, 2006
on how life is unfairit's a bad day for fly and i, in our respective lives. i have often wondered why i bother to continue being nice and patient towards others when they take advantage of that fact and trample over my feelings. i am done with that i guess, no more crap-taking. i have wasted enough time and energy...oh if you only knew. i always thought that if i weren't nice and if i were to speak up for myself i would be bitchy, but now i realize that i don't necessarily have to be bitchy - i can be firm and assertive.
and fly, i found this for you.
where there is jealousy and selfishness, there is also disorder and every kind of evil. but the wisdom from above is pure first of all; it is also peaceful, gentle, and friendly; it is full of compassion and produces a harvest of good deeds; it is free from prejudice and hypocrisy. and goodness is the harvest that is produced from the seeds the plantmakers plant in peace.
where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from? they come from your desires for pleasure, which are constantly fighting within you. you want things, but you cannot have them, so you are ready to kill; you strongly desire things, but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight. you do not have what you want because you do not ask God for it. and when you ask, you do not receive it, because your motives are bad; you ask for things to use for your own pleasures.
James 3:16-4:3
i can empathise with how you feel. everywhere we go, whatever endeavour we partake in, there's some kinda competition to be the best. it's good to strive to be at the top, but of course there are other people who share the same goals too. and however good we are, there will always be others who are better than others. jealousy breeds resentment and resentment breeds hate. bitterness is a hard pill to swallow, knowing that we've lost out to someone else.
what are we trying to prove, anyway? coming out tops in something doesn't validate who you are as a person, it may not even be reflective of your skills. it only reflects your performance at a certain period in time. but we gotta realize that we change all the time. we make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them and improve the next time round.
so, rather than harbour anger and hatred, humility will bring you inner peace.
and as trite as this may sound, sometimes being the best doesn't matter, it's knowing that you have done your best that counts. so we shouldn't be too hard on our selves, finding fault with our actions and blaming ourselves for something that's already over. instead, look ahead to the future - i'm sure there'll be brighter days ahead. :)
rachel at 2:26 AM